life can be colourful - choose it to be (:

this would be my first and probably the last post of the month.. my first semester in uni is coming to an end and i will be sitting for my first exams soon. 3 weeks to catch up with the work i’ve fallen behind and revise everything for the exams? that’s really seriously very extremely super overwhelming! ahh!! it certainly didn’t take very long to reach november.. rather, it’s freaky although i’ve been satisfied with the quick passing of time with my focus on the holidays. but the greater “giant” has to be tacked first. ROAR! and i shall look forward to start mugging, with God. =)

all’s been pretty fulfilling i would say.. and my main purpose of blogging today is to give praise to God! the Bananarama party did happen, and it surely went great! all my worries and anxieties were proven false and everything somehow just fell into place, whether planned or unplanned. truely, God’s faithfulness never fails.. and when we eventually surrender and commit everything into His hands, He will work. and i thank God for working, for carrying out His plan, through us - what an opportunity! :D my greatest joy was being reassured that God had worked through the event as i began to see what was in stored.. it’s only the start of a long journey ahead and i know He has many great plans ahead! woahh!

on top of that, i learnt how joy could be stolen so quickly and so wholly. for a moment, i felt i was on the mountain top.. and the next, i was thrown into the deepest of the valley. it’s amazing! -.- and i’ve come to acknowledge how important it is to guard one’s own heart. i’ve come to understand how easily it is for one to be deluded and confused by the evil one. and i’ve come to realise how much we need for Jesus, to have a close and strong relationship with Him. to understand the word thoroughly so that one may guard his/her own heart. “My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man’s whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” (Proverbs 4:20-23) that’s just how much truth His word carries…

all’s good! pls pray for me as i run against time to catch up with all that workload. =)

guess what? i just adopted a pet kitty. i call it kitty cos it’s neither kitten nor cat. hmm… it’s not like i have spare time on my hands to cater to yet another creature that seeks for my attention.. but ohwells! one more won’t make much diff? hah. looks like we (the kitty and myself) need more discipline in the days to come. either way, it’s been pretty interesting observing the way the cat reacts and behaves. even cats have different characters! and i was just so shocked to discover how different she is from my previous male cat. firstly, she’s super guai and does not have a desire to roam about the neighbourhood but just stay put within the house. she’s also really tame and does not exactly scratch, and follows anyone of us all around the place when we’re out of the house.. all in all, she really knows how to get attention and i’ve never seen a greater attention seeker. so i’m not too sure if that’s good of bad. physically wise, she’s a total opposite from my previous cat which was white and had a short/no tail. so you get the idea. =)

yups, that’s one more commitment in my life. ahh! either way, we’ll see how it goes. haha! it’s cool how one can get to the stage when you can no longer afford the time to worry. LOL. anyw, God’s been good! my 10-week long commitment for a reading prog under Bananarama ended last sat (also the day when kitty decided to appear outside my house). let’s talk about the boy i tutored. i was just so blessed at the end because i knew that he brought back many things out of the prog even though his interest in learning was low. somehow, he got super enthu about spelling in the 2nd last lesson when i gave him stickers. lol, even small things can change attitudes! i’ll be waiting to see how God leads for the next step. it’ll be cool! =)

lastly, the Bananarama party would be happening this sat! and i’m excited to see how everything goes.. God’s been teaching me many things.. one main thing would be: what we do, and our capabilities, don’t matter to God even when we are serving Him. what matters is that we avail our whole selves to Him, allowing Him to work in and through us. then, He will fulfill His plans and be glorified. ah, it’s easy to grasp but it’s difficult to carry out, preventing any hindrances or thought or action of taking control of the smallest aspects of things. i figured that once we take control of certain things in life, it will never be part of God’s plans anymore. think about it! ;)

i did not intend to use the comp this morning after spending the whole night yesterday editing my group’s 3000+ word report of which much was fitted with trash. i think people should learn not to give other people trash as it’s much harder clearing up trash than just doing without it. all these group projects have really been testing and as much as i don’t like it, i actually take away life lessons from them. sometimes, one has to give the ‘benefit of the doubt’ to someone else who may appear to have many bad traits. yes, they may give excuses but it may be true. and i figured that encouraging rather than blowing up at somebody gives motivation for the person to work harder. so the problem when you’re too nice: you resolve to doing the whole bulk of work yourself cos you know waiting for them won’t get anything done. heh, i hope to be greeted with good news when i open up my email later. 

so anyways, back to the point… i’m blogging now as i was inspired to blog after doing QT this morning. God’s been so faithful to me. stretching, moulding and teaching me, through which i believe He is preparing me for something great in my life. i know it, and it’s tough sometimes to keep going on, to choose to be courageous and continue trusting.. sometimes it’s too much to bear but i take heart in the fact that He knows. He’s still faithful and provides for people around me to support me through such times. and i’m so thankful for that! then i come to value relationships more, knowing how blessed i am by such wonderful God-given people. ahhh =)

finally, things for the bananarama follow-up are looking up! God’s hand has been at it all along and i can’t help it but keep praising Him for His faithfulness. from getting the event finalised, to roping in helpers, to ensuring that the kids would come. i just know He has so much to do through us and the event! and at the same time, God reveals to me yet another wonderful truth! “I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.” (Luke 10:19,20)

yes, with God, we have authority and power. but it is not about such success that we should be happy about. rather, it is the right relationship with God that we rejoice; it is because of this relationship that pleases Him that He uses us to do great things for Him. yesterday, i was reminded of what a wonderful opportunity i’ve been given to serve God through running the programme. through the course, i knew i wasn’t good enough to organise everything properly. but God showed me how i just had to be open for Him to use and He would provide. then, i discovered i just had to keep praying and just do, little by little, what was needed to be done. and it’s been such a fulfilling experience! =) i can’t wait to see what God has instored next!

yups, with this, i shall retreat into my pile of work of which i’m at least one week behind in school. but it’s okay, i’ll catch up somehow.. always making a consciencious step to trust that God will enable me to finish up everything! good news is that i discovered i have a one hour school week next week. LOL! as always, God’s timing is the best! :D let’s hope for the best!

the battle just keeps on getting tougher. each day is nothing but a battle between good and evil. and sometimes i just don’t know which side i’m standing on anymore. it’s tough! even as i stand in this position now, God is still faithful, reminding me of the power i have in Him. “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:4-5) just soak that in.. because Jesus fought the battle before us and won for us, we now have weapons of divine power. power that can demolish strongholds and anything against God.

it is only up to us, our will and desire, to capture every thought and make it obedient to Him. and at this point, i don’t know whether to sigh or not for i’ve failed terribly in this aspect.. which i know is exactly what God is training me at now. humility and faith, in truth and praise. it takes courage, lots of courage.. and grace too for each day. but i believe God’s providence is more than enough. i just gotta keep my focus on the cross, not turning away from it, and receiving that empowerment that is so freely given. it’s going to be a long long journey.. but undoubtedly fulfilling!

i have concluded that one of the most problematic thing in life is: people. again, i am back here. this time, a better and more positive report. =) yes, i’ve had many problems working with people.. people from all over the place! but i’ve realised how much God wants me to learn through all these experiences with people. for one, i’ve had many many group projects to do this sem all thanks to social work modules which loveee group work cos social work students need to learn to work with people cos social work is about working with people. yeah, you get the link. and seriously, it was so true! from a disastrous outlook in my first group project and unlikeable group members, i’ve come to accept them for who they are.. each having a good side to. and we’ve all become friends over the time.. i thought that was cool. =) today, we had our last presentation and last tutorial for this particular module. and guess what, we got an A- for our 2000 word report. whooo!! something i’m extremely proud of after all that effort and disagreements that finally became one coherent voice. ahhhh~

other than that, there’s still many other lessons to be learnt.. and still learning… but eitherway, i know that God’s truely good! and i want to push on in the hope of finally overcoming! :D

Seated above, enthroned in the Father’s love
Destined to die, poured out for all mankind
God’s only son perfect and spotless one
He never sinned, but suffered as if He did

All authority, every victory is Yours
All authority, every victory is Yours

Savior, worthy of honor and glory,
worthy of all our praise, You overcame
Jesus, awesome in power forever,
awesome and great is Your name, You overcame

Power in hand speaking the Father’s plan
You’re sending us out, light in this broken land

We will overcome by the blood of the Lamb
And the word of our testimony, everyone overcome

i love this song. it’s really beautiful and uplifting… =) it’s nice to know that everything has been done already, overcame by God, and all we have to do is live in Him.. by faith and trust. life’s tough, but we will overcome all circumstances with God’s strength. i hope that you will take hope in that! for me, i need to be more optimistic.

this week is recess week. no school but assignments, projects and upcoming CAs. pretty much the same feel as jc where there wasn’t any much of a holiday throughout the year. thank God that uni is only 13 weeks long. it feels short. good stuff! it’s funny how time’s zooooming by and i’m already halfway through the semester. the amount of things to study is crazy but i’m persevering. i really enjoy what i study.. =) everyday, i feel like my knowledge has increased practically and contextually. i’ve never felt so knowledgeable before. really! the interesting thing is that all my modules (except lit) interlink for me this sem. it’s all about people. but people can be irritating. HAHA!

i’ve been mulling quite a bit over people people people this few weeks. for one, my project group which consists of people who like shortcuts or choose not to do work or come up with lousy quality work with no substance. hmmm… but eventually, i learnt that i need more patience and the heart to accept people as who they are. GAH. at least some “slackers” turn out to be last-min “muggers” so they got the bulk of the stuff done at the last moment. with that, i’m pretty much happy things are moving.. =) and of course, i need to try to be nicer.

also recently, i’ve learnt the power of surrendering to God. somehow, whenever i gave up a situation to God, it would FINALLY start moving. let’s say.. since june, bananarama stuff had been lurking around my mind and giving me a load of stress to get things done. and when i tried to get things done but was led to a blockage, i realised that only God could do it. afterall, it was His plan and about His timing. thank God, with prayer, He sent the right people into the picture. after almost 4 months, the details for bananarama follow-up was confirmed whilst the photos and letters were packed and sent out to the handful of 100 over kids. all completed in one day! and all by God’s strength! :D wowww!

a load off my mind, and more space added to various parts of my life. plus a renewed motivation to give it all to Him! finally, things have slowly sorted themselves out and fallen into their rightful places. i just require more time before things become actualised so… whoooo!! back to work!

i miss my blog. or maybe i just miss spending this moment by myself. it’s a time when i reflect about certain stuff and jot down my thoughts simultaneously. to me, reflection adds value to my life. having to rush through life without time for thinking doesn’t really let your brain achieve anything much. so let’s just say i never really got to take a breather since uni started. i’ve been waiting for the moment when i’ll be free so that i could come to blog but i guess if i continued waiting, i wouldn’t have to blog anymore.. at least until the end of the year. heh!

so what really happened? well, i think the holidays suddenly disappeared! and school started! so much for the anticipation… it feels so long ago now. time really flies by when you school. but because of that, i’m barely surviving.. hardly finding the right footing. my life’s been pretty much in a mess. too many things, too little time. let’s just say the mess never really got sorted out. and as a result, i crashed. but i always figure that crashes are good stuff. cos when you get to the bottom of the valley, the only way you can walk is UP. it’s easy to be shaken, it’s easy to lose faith. but yet, how simple it is to obtain strength and grace from the abundant Supplier from above. yeah, easier said than done. but the outcome is worth it. the only result you can get from a wrong decision is going a bigger round and wasting more time. i’m learning. =)

so much, too much? heh, God knows. either way, i still think i lead a rather comfortable life. my room’s finally settled so i’m now extremely satified with my personal dwelling space! got my pretty ikea book shelf and lighting a while ago. and finally purchased my personal printer and sound system at the IT fair last wkend which was super good fun in the crowd. (such things are only fun when you get to spend on good deals!) other than that, the knowledge i acquire in school interests me and makes me happy though the amount of readings make me sad. i would also count my timetable extremely slack with about 12hrs of school a wk? aiya, but it all balances out.

right now, i still have plenty of sorting out to do. but i’m trying to take things easy… reminding myself that it’s stupid getting stressed over school or ministry or life. so let’s hope things will continue to take a positive route. i believe it would.. i’ll overcome! pray for me! =)

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that’s within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it’s way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I’ll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

a new season comes in, and out goes the old. life can only be this full, the rest cannot be contained. certain things you may get, but not necessarily keep it. before shifting in new stuff, throw some out first. to be a become a better person, kick out the bad habits. got time? make space. let go, make space for the better things in life! (you don’t have to get what i just said.)

i just read a devotion. the gist of it: God’s Word provides the truth we need to grow, God’s people provides the support we need to grow, and circumstances provide the environment to practice Christlikeness.
that sums it all up! circumstances. certain circumstances in life is tough, difficult, unbearable. especially if you want to do the right thing. but wanting to do the right thing is a whole different story from trying to the right thing and really doing the right thing. (wheee!)
“Put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” (Ephesians 4:24)
revelation: to successfully walk towards Christlikeness, we cannot run away from His Word, His people, and circumstances. do you embrace these 3 things in your life?

i’m one who’s particularly afraid, very afraid, of unpredictable circumstances. tough situations, i cannot handle. i’ve been on a ride in my life lately. up and down, spinning around.. yet i feel and i know, that the Father’s hand is upon me.. pruning and molding and teaching me.. press in, press in. my prayer: for His Spirit to dwell in me, and change me to who i was created to be. i know i’ve fallen short of His expectations and purpose for me.. but i believe i will get there one day.. somehow… through Him! =)

a new season is coming in. and the way has to be made. preparations being done. slowly but surely. this is seen in all aspects of my life.. it’s scary! something about my inner being, spirituality.. and my outer being, service.. then new school, new room, new conflicts, new situations. heh! it’s crazy.. but whatever, i’ll be good for sure. =) let’s talk about my room! i’ve painstakingly dismantled and removed the 3 tables in my room so that my personal table can come in. dust, dirt, and junk - all filtered out by me. imagine the amount of cleaning i’ve been up to. what more, a perfectionist like me, even resorting to wiping the wall clean. (sigh!) but somehow, i’m excited to get it all done. clearing up the old allows me to bring in the new. and my room would be transformed into a clean, neat and comfy dwelling place. yayyy! it’s all about the end result. processes, that’s what we have to go through.

then there’s distractions… certain things we dream for but may not be good for us. let’s talk about rover - my dog for one night, 070808, i will remember. he dashed into my garden the moment i got out of my car yesterday night. it was so adorable and it always ran towards me, greeting me with a jump! awww… it was black-furred, average size, but surely still a puppy. it behaved like a kid! playing with every single thing it got its mouth to, and sprawling all over the carpet grass. it was sooo cuteee!! well, it was obviously lost and was out looking for a home that would take it in. or course, i did! i was only wishing again that afternoon to get a puppy! all was good until it got chased away by moma da mama. (so scaryy!) sigh, it was 12am already and it was still roaming outside, periodically coming up to the gate to whine. i was sooo sad. :( i guess i’m not ready to adopt a pet right now. too many commitments already.. God knows that. yes, i’m one who willingly accepts everything without thinking practically. passion kills. zz… (i am obviously very disappointed and upset. hence, the senseless intro.) but i believe that there is a right timing for everything. yeahh…

maybe you’ll be able to relate to me.. maybe you won’t. but whatever it is, just remember the purpose we have on earth. embrace difficulty, push on, press in!

yay! holidays are soon coming to an end.. by right, it’s the last week this week. by left, i’m not going for orientation so i have an extra week! muahaha.. whatever it is, i’m looking forward to the new start in a new school in a new system. ahh! i really really thank God that i went to psyc camp or i’ll be feeling more doomed than ever at this moment. thank God for friends and seniors in this point in time! uni preparations have been crazy… for awhile, i felt quite depressed cos i couldn’t decide on 5 modules to take and ended up staring at the sch website for countless hours. it’s like mugging for something that doesn’t even have to be mugged for. roarrr! okay, the happy part of it is that i have finally more or less settled that.

looking back, the 8 month long holiday has been a great long break. =) it’s kinda funny that i’m looking forward to going back to studying now. but i doubt it’ll last. heh! this holiday has been nothing but experience. yups, i’ve gotten my hands into so many many things that somehow at the end of it, i feel that it’s all in a mess. it’s been really fulfilling but i just don’t know how to transit into this new phase of life with so many things now. yups, i must admit that the past 2 weeks have been really messy for me. (hence, the long break from blogging. i had no time!) cool thing: God knew it all! He spoke to me through a pastor before i really felt the real impact of the mess. yups! the time is approaching when my commitments will have to be rearranged and balanced out. more for one, less for the others. but i guess i’ve gotta learn that in all things, it’s about keeping that focus on God. yes, do everything but focus.. no doubt, it’s going to be a challenging transition!

for the past few days, i was wondering why i had to go through so many things… why certain things in life are so difficult to do but you know you just have to do it. i know i was created for a great purpose and it’s just so hard to live it out… sometimes there’s just this passivity that is so tough to get rid of. haii… i guess God is reminding me once again of the many responsibilities that i have in life. and His encouragement for me - to do it for His glory! it’s about pressing in when the stretch comes, consistently reaching towards the goal, doing what’s right though it’s always to sway. in the process, laying it all down and giving it to Him, allowing Him to use everything you are for His purpose.

woah, i’m motivated! =)

All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before you, oh Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaims
The joy and the pain, I’m making them yours

Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my heart, alll of my praise
My heart and my hands are lifted to you

Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I’ve been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life

my turtle finally died yesterday. it had been sick for months and never recovered. yet, there wasn’t much that i could do. or at least, it just felt as if it was too late to do anything. i will not go into depth in describing its condition but i guess it suffered quite a lot these 2 months. i could put myself in its shell and try and imagine the amount of pain it was going through but i guess i’ll never know it. basically, i was quite upset when i discovered it motionless and non-responsive yesterday morning. i just had an awesome time in worship with the Lord, praising Him for all the good things that had been happening in my life. and then, i was greeted with bad news.

i guess i was waiting for this day cos i would rather it dead than in pain. but then, i couldn’t help imagining the pain it was going through before it died. but anyway, the message of it all? it was one of God’s creation. yes, insignificant it may seem, but it was still part of His beauty and glory. helpless and dependent on me and only me, i was irresponsible over its life and a lousy steward of God’s creation. with that, i had to pray for forgiveness. well, it is a big deal afterall! but i want to make an even bigger deal out of it! if i cannot care enough for such a small creature, how much more would i be able to care for the important things that God is going to entrust or have already entrusted me with?

2 things that come to mind. spiritual gifts and people. i’m sure God has entrusted such things in your life.. have you been a good steward to these things? for me, the number of things coming into my life has been increasing and sometimes, it’s so easy to start forgetting about other things. i doubt i’ve been doing well in certain areas and there’s much more to learn in others. heh, one thing to keep in mind is that… nothing is ever too insignificant in God’s eyes. just because it looks unimportant to us, doesn’t mean that we may be negligent towards it. it’ll certainly be dangerous to neglect something that God values. we’ll be judged eventually. so yupps! fruit for thought! better to make a biggg deal out of it now than when it’s too late! =)

ahhh, i’m finally back in my comfort zone after 2 weeks! it’s certainly an accomplishment for someone like me who refuses to stay over at retreats even if it is just 1 night.. this was the only time that i was away from my ‘normal life’ during the 8 months of holidays. and i must say that it was really, really, really meaningful. =) looking back at the point in time just before i left, when there were so many things that i was unsure about and desired for, when i was filled with apprehension and anxiety… God just took all that away and replaced it with fullness, confidence, inspiration and some sort of newness. whoooo!! through this 2 weeks, i’ve experienced nothing but His amazing beauty and faithfulness. seriously, i got more than what i expected.

ending off june for me was my trip to Sibu. (check out facebook for some of the pictures..) i’ve always had a resentment for travelling overseas as i would never fail to get air sick in the plane, sea sick on the boat or land sick in the coach. (today, i’ve concluded that all these are 100% caused by my sensitive nose that cannot take the smelly smells that they possess.) okay, so basically, i was praying very hard that i would not end up vomitting on that budget airline that i was going to be on for only 1.5hrs. somehow, i felt a huge sense of anxiety in me the night before.. it was so huge i could just break down and cry at any moment. packing was done in a rush and i had no idea what i should bring to do over there. so yeah, i thank God that the trip started off with His peace upon me the next morning and for all who prayed for me. we took a cab down to the airport in JB before taking a direct flight straight to Sibu. ready to have a disgusting reaction from my nose the moment i stepped into the plane, i was surprised with the complete opposite. it was nothing but a nice leather smell which my nose felt pretty comfortable with. for the first time in my life, i was enjoying the comfort of an airplane and the view of the sky. nothing but beauty for 1.5hrs… my eyes never left the window. i couldn’t believe what i was seeing.. for a moment, i realised that i was entering the heavenlies in this little aircraft. talk about literally touching the heavens! i was certainly overwhelmed by His beauty and what an amazing creator we have. someone who is nothing but beauty, who creates nothing but beauty… ahhh~

life in Sibu was laid-back, relaxing and cozy (duh, the 4 of us shared one room.) haha.. but i must say that being impatient over there seriously made me feel out of place. even the traffic was slow. and there was nothing much to do over there but visit places or stay at home and slack. well, managed to make friends with the doggies at my grandparents’ house and cut my hair for 18rm. spent quite abit of time playing scrabble, mastermind and othello with my mom.. it was good bonding! =) oh yes, not to forget the building of the climax when i started reading this book called ‘Captivating’ which really just talks about how God is captivating and wants us to be captivated.. hah, that totally rounded up the whole reason to what God wanted to show me this time round. it was sad leaving the place when it was time to go.. i would miss my grandparents whom i didn’t get to spend much of my life with, whom i could never really communicate much with. but i couldn’t wait to go home and sit on that airplane once again, to take another peek at His beauty. i was certainly captivated. and surely, He didn’t fail me with the 2 rainbows in the vast sky and the setting sun. ahhh~

back home, i felt really weird rushing out of the house the next morning. but ohwells, it wasn’t long before i headed into yet another different lifestyle. hah! starting july for me was nus psychology camp! it totally rockedd! i went there not knowing what to expect, alone. and somehow, the ice broke really fast at camp and it was easy talking to the people there. and i came back having been blessed with a bunch of really wonderful friends! wheee!! it couldn’t have been any better. great clan, passionate seniors (whom i really appreciate for being there) and a bunch of cool freshies to feel fresh with. LOL! it was tough getting by the first 2 nights, sleeping in a room with lizard shit all over the place and a toilet that was quite a distance away.. but i couldn’t bring myself to missing out on more fun and action in the late nights and early mornings. 4-5hrs of slp for 3 nights was a killer yet, i never felt sleepy while we played. the games were fun! it must have been the awesome company! lotus pocus is who we are.. and running at the worst terrains is what we do (specifically the stairs)! it was nice seeing the seniors run before us with those sneaky smiles on their faces at school or outside (especially inside vivocity).. and it was heart-warming when i let out what was the most hated line, “okay, LET’S RUN!” and they would despite how much they didn’t want to. sigh, what fun! every night, i thanked God for bringing me to this camp and for all the fun i was having.. and for all the nice people around! how faithful He is, to even take care of making sure i have friends as i transit into this new stage in life. everything in my life, He proved to me that He has it in His hands, well taken care of. with that, the camp ended with an emotional blast, the ribbon ceremony. i know i’ve definately brought back many precious memories and friendships from this camp. and for everything, i thank God! x)